The Onion with breaking news coverage:

Following a decisive win in tonight’s Florida primary, presidential candidate Mitt Romney took a moment during his victory address to reflect on the current crop of Republicans vying for the party’s nomination, telling the gathered crowd he “[had] to admit that, overall, it’s a pretty weak field.” “No question about it, you’re looking at a bunch of duds,” Romney said to his supporters, who grew silent as the former Massachusetts governor added that it was hard to imagine any of the GOP contenders, himself included, being president of the United States.

Shared by Brent Hopkins on Facebook:

This picture didn’t come out very well, but it warmly informs children under 12 that they can walk through security at DCA without taking their shoes off. Which also warmly informs anyone wanting to smuggle something onboard the plane that a child’s shoes is the way to avoid close inspection.

Either shoes are dangerous, or they aren’t. If they aren’t, then no one should need to take their shoes off. If they are, then kids shouldn’t catch a break.

If I’m reading this right, the team can beat the shit out of you at any time they like, and they’re in the clear so long as they use bats.

AKA, how to get Brian Greenberg to maybe attend a Mac conference someday.

All of the guys onstage are Mac industry professionals who perform every year (and only once per year) at Macworld.

Trying to figure out if this is one of the worst named iOS apps I’ve ever seen, or one of the best.

Okay, I think I’m ready for Macworld day two.

Ubuntu is experimenting with a new UI replacement for the menu bar. I’m seriously sleep-deprived, so I might have missed this, but there’s one big advantage in well-designed menus: they’re discoverable. Best as I can tell, if you don’t know about a particular function in complex software (and let’s face it, almost all Linux software is complex), you’re never going to find it. But with menus, you can also go searching for commands you’ve never tried before.

Most important aspect of a name tag: ability to read it discreetly at a distance. This is not it. It amazes me how many conferences screw this up.

Upon reading first headline: “gotta post that.”

Upon reading second headline: “shit.”

The newspaper was dated August 7, 1945. If he had survived a few more days, he would have come home.

Helen: enjoying my new life in Milwaukee with my secretary. I know things are tough for you and your Mom, but someday a postcard delivered by a Nazi should be worth something. –Dad

Unclear on the concept of “only one in existence”.

Someone forgot to mention the war ended in 1918.

Empty airports are eerie.

Above the fold today at The Pirate Bay:

Under the Stop Online Privacy Act the penalty for uploading Michael Jackson music illegally is 5 years in prison. The penalty for killing Michael Jackson is 4 years in prison.

Good analysis on the eTextbook thing at Macworld.

The day before the event, the Macalope was chatting with a community college math professor who said the textbook his students needed to buy was almost $300. Two books like that and there’s your iPad. The Macalope also wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a cheaper iPad this year.

The Onion, of course.

“It is the opinion of this court that the Constitution was crafted in such a manner as to uphold and encourage practices that are not right and, ideally, are very wrong,” Justice Antonin Scalia wrote for the majority, which also in­cluded Justices Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy, and John Roberts. “Despite the compelling case for goodness, truth, and justice made by our predecessors in the case of Right v. Wrong, we firmly believe that malice, dishonesty, and injustice were the framers’ original intent.”