@GlennF If anyone ever starts offering payola, I’m getting in line. Either that or the International Zionist dividend is my 401(K).
@DanFrakes However, it *does* give you the Kryptonian rage you need to create a diamond from a lump of coal.
@atlauren Also applies to my OKCupid track record.
@atlauren @flargh Doritos shell *filled* with baked Cheetos. And Arby’s Horsey sauce.
Note to self: avoid infinite loops when scripting the opening of Safari tabs.
@GlennF @avantgame What’s worse, they have excellent beer to console themselves.
@GlennF What about people not from North Carolina, North Dakota, or Byzantium?
@jessespector Philly statistic from the 1980s: every time a SEPTA bus crashed, 80 people filed affidavits saying they were on it.
@marciahofmann don’t worry, the important people already knew you were there.
@antichrista @dmoren Most men I’ve polled have RS images from their mid-20s. Curious if women have the same “pick the best” process.
@mkramer @lukeraff If you’re doing a story on that, that reminds me of the C4 explosion on the MOVE rowhouse.
@mkramer In space, no one can hear Studs Terkel scream.
@rikomatic My inner child died a little when he realized I thought this was an Android post.
@jcenters Set aside the Tonx-0 screwdriver, you’ll need it to take apart your Powenbook.
Vatican Quickly Performs Damage Control On Pope’s Tolerant Remarks
Homosexuality is a disorder. And this is no way means that, going forward, the Catholic Church will be an open-minded, more sensible organization. I assure you we are just as prejudiced and backward today as we were yesterday. Thank you.
Phone autocorrected Franklin Institute to Freaking Institute, proving that it is well acquainted with Ben Franklin.
@mclow You’d think they’d like the guy who discovered electricity.
@mclow OH! Nice one. I should’ve caught that, but missed it.
@flargh Hook up iOS 7b4 to automatic blow-up doll inflator, set to “medium high”, wait 5 minutes, install as Mavericks.