I have to read headline pitches. It’s boring. I mock the worst ones.
Seeking health professionals to discuss the negative health effects of wearing an ill fitting bra
because apparently “it hurts like hell” isn’t a good enough reason
How To Overcome Writer’s Block
get a phone call from your agent, “you have to finish or give the money back” (hypothetically, so I hear)
Seeking Christian (Women Who Rock with Success)
seeking writers who (understand punctuation)
The Health Benefits Of Waking Up Before Sunrise
wait so paleo diet is good because it’s paleo but “be awake when it’s light out” is somehow bad now
How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Sexual Frequency
there are four different ways to interpret this and I’m going with electromagnetic wavelengths
Coconut Oil for Horses (Anonymous)
you should at least tell us what country you’re in so we can leave it
How to reheat a baked potato
ask the guy who didn’t know how to microwave a sweet potato yesterday
Budgeting as Part of the Sandwich Generation
set up a gofundme to raise money from the pepsi generation
Do women like beards?
if your editor wants a story longer than one word, you may want to rethink
Seeking dancers and scientist on why some people truly have no rhythm?
the profession you want is “anthropologist” because rhythm is culturally defined
Bilingual AI Expert/Programmer Needed
and must love dogs
Global Hotspots 2030: Where The Smart Money Will Go Next
obviously, anywhere but the places you print in the story
Redeem United Miles
Still looking for bingeable Netflix Original Series!
still don’t understand how this could possibly require an expert to interview!
Ways for retirees to enjoy Labor Day for free
no, it’s every other day they enjoy, sitting on their lawns pointing and laughing at people going to work
How to turn a bedroom into a flex room
drive rifts in your family such that they can’t stand to be around you half the time
The Best Apps for Small Business of All Time
try something more specific, like “best apps for people with opposable thumbs”
If you’re a perfectionist, use these ways to keep your cool with a boss who is not
or perhaps tell your readers that their boss is right and they may need therapy
Things That Make You Look Old