Catching up on the latest nontroversy on the web, to which I can summarize Planned Parenthood’s apparent response as follows:

We work aggressively with law enforcement and we’ve done nothing wrong. But y’all were crying for blood, so a head rolled anyway.

You’ll pardon me for asking this, but what the fuck? First ACORN, then Shirley Sherrod, now Planned Parenthood. All three the victims of fraudulent “investigations” by idiots with a camera and an axe to grind. All three paying the price for it.

Tell me: exactly what is the disincentive for lying motherfuckers to go after their opponents? Seems to me like it’s a win-win scenario all around. Either you get them on tape saying bad things, or you can edit the tape making it look like they did. The attacked organizations put their tails between their legs and act like they shat on the rug. The attackers get tons of free media.

Hell, you don’t even need Final Cut Pro. iMovie will do.

Let me make a modest proposal for what PPFA should have said in their press release:

Yes, while none of us like to admit it, there are plenty of unholy bastards out there willing to pay for underage tail, which is the real cause of child sex-trafficking. We are in the business of protecting people’s health. So when we hear that a minor is being trafficked, we immediately work with the authorities, AND we give out information which will protect them.

Perhaps you people out there believe that a child already being trafficked for sex is somehow corrupted and it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if she dies of AIDS or complications of a pregnancy at age twelve. Or you think that we should do what you do: put our heads in the sand and pretend that this isn’t happening. Or that she’ll be magically protected by fairy Jesus. But we know that hopes and wishes do not a public health strategy make.

That’s what you should have said. And that means not firing the woman who tried to protect the child. If she did say something which genuinely was a firing offense, and you have evidence above and beyond an edited video by the people who are trying to shut you down, then release that information. Let us know what you do, what you won’t do, and the principles you stand by. Even if that means giving out sex protection information to children who need it. Even if that means that Fox News will start baying at the moon.

Fuck them. You have principles. Defend them, goddammit. Make the other side explain why they’re in favor of children having their lives permanently ruined or ended by sex trafficking. By acting like you’ve done something shameful, you’re just playing into their hands, and that’s exactly the message you send when you fire your employee without sufficient explanation.