I have a freelance article percolating its way to print, in which I once again disparage the Alert DC network. If I wanted the weather and traffic reports Alert DC sends me, I’d sign up for them elsewhere; when I hear them daily from Alert DC I get the impression that they’re looking to justify their existence (and lessening the value of an emergency alert system in the process).

But I received a note today from them that impressed me, which I reproduce here:

Update: FEMS reports smoke on metro train at 5200 Wisconsin Ave. NW at the Friendship Heights Metro Station. FEMS reports no fire on train. FEMS confirmed that This is NOT a Mass Casualty Incident. Having the Mass Casualty Unit report on scene is a standard procedure for this type of incident. Two patients have been transported to Sibley Hospital. Friendship Heights Metro Station is CLOSED.   

Sent by Eustace Mark Bellille

Sent by DC HSEMA to e-mail
Powered by the Roam Secure Alert Network
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– You received this alert because you are subscribed to Alert DC.  To update your account & preferences, go to alert.ema.dc.gov/reregister.php
– To authenticate this alert go to https://textalert.ema.dc.gov/myalertlog.php?s_alert_id=4764
– Tell a friend about Alert DC!  Signup at alert.ema.dc.gov

What’s good about this alert:

• DC acknowledges the likely inferences people will make if they happen upon a closed Metro station with a Mass Casualty Unit outside. It tells me what I need to know—there’s a problem, but not a major problem—and that I shouldn’t panic.
• Someone’s name is attached to the message. I have no idea who Eustace Bellille is, but someone else does, so there’s accountability in the chain that is transparent to the user.
• The link to confirm the alert is standard, and becomes more useful in direct correlation with the scope of the emergency.
• Finally, another email arrived 15 minutes later, also with someone’s name attached, telling me that Friendship Heights Metro was open again. So if I had any lingering concerns about this being a threat to my safety, they’d be dismissed very quickly.

That said, there are two issues here that should be addressed. First, I have no idea what FEMS or DC HSEMA is, nor do I care. Emergency services should communicate in English, not bureaucratese, and should also not appear to be marketing their acronyms during an emergency announcement. Nor do I give a damn about which private company is sucking at the teat of DHS funding to send me this email.

But the bigger question is, why in God’s name does the Mass Casualty Unit apparently have a sign on it saying that it’s a Mass Casualty Unit? For that matter, why name it that in the first place? If you asked me, I’d define a mass casualty as numbering in the hundreds, and if I saw a Mass Casualty Unit on a scene, my first reaction would be to run like hell in an upwind direction.

Language matters. If you need to have a mass casualty unit, call it the Emergency Response Unit. And make it look like a plain old fire truck. No bystander is served by seeing the Mass Casualty Unit drive by, and no victim will be reassured to hear that he is one of the mass casualties. About the only vehicle better designed to inspire panic would a Large Radius Nuclear Biohazard Hearse.