Fascinating science reporting can be found in Sleep Retardant Properties of My Ex-Girlfriend, which proves once again that CMU researchers have a sense of humor, and really need one:

I spoke to Hermina and explained my study and its results, as well as the importance of getting sufficient sleep. I concluded by explaining that, due to her sleep-retardant properties, I could not continue to sleep with her, an act she termed “breaking up”.

When Tom, who I mentioned earlier in the paper, discovered that Hermina and I had broken up, he expressed interest anew in sleeping with her. I attempted to warn him about Hermina’s sleep-retardant properties. In response, he referred to me as an “idiot”. This clearly demonstrates his lack of understanding of the value of sleep.